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The official website of Fascinating Womanhood, by author Helen Andelin.
www.fascwoman.com

Notice: Lisa Estrada's next online class begins Monday, April 2.  To enroll email her at:  Lisabernadette@msn.com

The next Online Class will begin Monday, May 7. It will be taught by Melanie Harper. To enroll Email her at: chatterbug@cablespeed.com 

"Why does he keep his painful experiences to himself? To quote from Fascinating Womanhood, Chapter 14: "Because up to now he has been afraid to express his anger. In the face of his marriage problems he has felt he must suppress his anger to hold his marriage securely together. This is not to say he acted wisely but only that he did so out of what he felt was a necessity. A high-principled man who loves his children will make every effort to hold his marriage securely together. When his wife applies Fascinating Womanhood over a period of time he begins to feel secure in his marriage. He no longer feels he must hold his troubled feelings within and loses his fear that speaking out will cause further marriage problems. Then one day, at last, he dares to open Pandora's Box and release the resentful feelings he has kept hidden there.

"If you should face such a situation, allow him to empty Pandora's Box. You should, in fact, encourage him to speak freely and openly. And you should not make the mistake of defending yourself, justifying your actions or fighting back. You will have to sit there quietly, taking it all and even agreeing with him by saying "I know, I know, you are right. But, when the last resentful feeling has been expressed and Pandora's Box is empty, he will have a feeling of relief, and a love and tenderness for you not known before. And if he has had a reserve it will probably come tumbling down along with the Pandora's Box reaction."

Watch for signs of this hidden fury. He will appear quiet, reserved, and cautious. If he talks at all about his innermost feelings you can be sure he will be guarded. He does not want to get into a confrontation with you, or have to defend himself. The past has put him in a position of painful conflict. He has a great need to communicate intimately with you - on any and every subject, but an intense fear of doing so.  He is afraid of making bad matters worse. Your objective is to get your husband to open Pandora's Box and empty it. So when you detect his need to open up to you don't urge, just gently let him know you sense he has problems or difficulties, and you would like to share his burdens.

Marriage problems may not be the only source of his painful memories. He may have had a painful childhood that has left permanent scars, or his boss may have derided him or his business partner taken unfair advantage of him. A few days ago I received a telephone call from a lady who wanted to tell me about her husband's Pandora's Box reaction and what a wonderful thing it had been for their marriage. Her husband had come into marriage with scars that were heartrending. As a baby he was neglected by his mother and beaten by his stepfather. He had grown up with so many fears and so much distrust of anyone and everyone that the idea of an intimate relationship like marriage filled him with fear.

The wife, well schooled in the principles of Fascinating Womanhood took things in hand and opened the lid of this man's Pandora's Box. Out came all of his stormy feelings, and in came the tender feelings a man can have for the woman who has touched his soul like the wings of an angel. The day following his Pandora's Box he called her from his work about a dozen times to tell her how much he loved her.  He had never done this before. I urge you to watch your husband for a while. Monitor him so you will be sure of your observations. Then, when you are alone and romantic feelings are the most apt to surface, open the lid of Pandora's Box.

Comments by Grateful Students:

"I watched a movie with my husband the other night after the children were all finally in bed. I said something to him about his big strong hands compared to mine. Earlier in the day I said something to him about how smart he is and that I really appreciated the way he has always stood his ground, regardless of what I did or said and that I had so much respect for him because of that.  So, when we were on the couch he leaned forward and kissed me very tenderly on my hair on the top of my head. To me it was so sweet and gentle in a man who can so often be very 'matter of fact.' His love language is 'physical touch' and I can tell he is reacting positively to me by his physical affection with me this past week."

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"Thank you so much for your kindness and most of all your prayers. My husband did come home last night. After three days God prepared my heart and mind, using the gifts of his work and FW to guide me.

"I had my key in my pocket when he first called me. I told him that I needed to tell him some things. I told him that I was sorry for the things I had done to change things between us. Then I asked him to come home when he was ready to. He did come home 20 minutes later and I ran to meet him at the car. We talked for a very long time and then prayed together about it.

"Once he came inside (to a clean house) I concentrated on making dinner and other tasks other than to argue and blame him. What a difference!  After watching me for quite awhile my husband came over to me and wanted to hold my hand. The tenderness and kindness from him was back I then told him how  much I appreciated him and admired him for all the things he had provided for me and how much safer I felt with him there, and that I understood how hard it must have been for him at home lately, when I had put everyone and everything before him.  He then started to talk and tell me how sorry he was for hurting me and that he wanted to start over and make things as they should be."

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"This has been a phenominal weekend! There is part of me that is just so amazed at how FW works. In general our communication is better. I tend to instantly react and don't deal well with last minute change, which can tend to be whiny, naggy or not a hint of girlish trust in him, but now I take a deep breath and sit with him first and then talk with him about whatever the issue is. And he has been more open and quick to apologize when he is grumpy.

"This weekend was our 7th anniversary. I was going to cook a special meal to keep costs down. I put the oven on to preheat it but my husband said, 'don't cook. It's our anniversary and you shouldn't have to cook, and he took me out to a restaurant that we used to go to a lot when we were dating. It was so sweet. And then at dinner he made a toast to 'many, many more  years together.

"Before coming back home we made a stop for a Christmas gift he is getting for my son and me - a keyboard. He bought a good quality one with weighted keys. He knows how I have always wanted to play the piano. So, we can start with this one and if I love it and stick to it, he'll get a digital piano for us. I almost cried. Later, when we exchanged cards I had written that he was 'my everything.' And then, much to my shock, he wrote the exact same words to me. This is nothing he has EVER said before. Again, I almost cried (happy tears.) This was our best anniversary to date!"

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"I am so thrilled to be in this group. I cry a lot by myself because I am thankful to God for bringing FW back to me. My husband now comes home unexpectedly, early and hangs out with the family and me. Yesterday I got a flat tire. He drove to rescue us (so I would not have to use a AAA tow) and changed the tire. It was 28 degrees outside. After he finished he opened the door to sit in our car. Upon opening the door the children and I clapped and screamed hooray continuously! He loved it!"