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Before marriage he was nice to me but now he tells me all the things that are wrong with me. Any tiny mistake I make he notices, like he wants to turn me into something I am not.  Can it be that I made an unwise decision in the first place and now, perhaps, have spoiled both of our lives? Here is my answer to her, for which I am reprimanded.

"Dear Friend,  If you feel that you have choosen the wrong man to marry, there is nothing wrong with your getting a divorce, and the sooner the better, especially if you have no children. Divorce  can be an act of mercy, especially when there appears to be no other way.  Moses allowed divorce for this reason.  I am wondering if your husband also feels that he has made a mistake in marriage and is treating you this way to provoke you to divorce him."  There is more to the letter but it was for the above stand that I have been criticized. 

Here is my defense:  God gave us divine laws to follow, but he also gave us free agency to follow them or to not follow them.  This was spelled out clearly in the Garden of Eden. God made it clear, however, that if they did not choose to obey his commandments, they would suffer the consequences, but they were free to choose.  Not all Christian's agree with the outcome, so I can only give my interpretation of what followed. When Eve partook of the forbidden fruit, then persuaded Adam to partake of it, she said of the consequences, "It is better that we pass through sorrow, that we may know the good from the evil." I personally do not regard the Garden of Eden experience a mistake.  It was all a part of the Eternal plan for mankind, that we should come to earth, be given  our free agency and learn to overcome evil. Without our free agency we would never learn the good from the bad. 

Americans have always treasured their freedom. We have fought many battles to preserve it. It has cost many lives but it has been treasured and is essential to our well being and happiness.  So shouldn't we also respect each other's religious liberty to choose what to believe. 

Shirley Cox

Since Shirley Cox is a fairly new teacher I would like to give you some interesting background about her. In her own words: "I am a seasoned FW teacher and have taught FW classes periodically over the years. Helen Andelin started organizing classes about thirty five years ago and I was one of her first teachers.  When I was first introduced to FW my marriage was "in big trouble."  If I had lived in todays world I might have "called it a day." But in those days, I was under the impression that if I was a good person, smart and beautiful that marital happiness would follow.  The problem was that I did not understand the way men think, feel, their nature and temperament.

"FW increased my understanding of myself, who I am and my appreciation of being a woman.  As I applied the FW principles I was helped to be a happy wife, but my biggest plus was that I had made my husband happy.  The result was that I wanted to share this joyful information with others.  And that is why I made the effort to become a teacher.  Through the years I have watched many women bring more happiness into their lives and improve difficult marriages by integrating FW principles into their way of life.  Women whose marriages and relationships were already in good shape found an extra measure of joy with this new information. 

"After teaching FW for some years I wanted to broaden my background and became a BYU student.  In my thesis I specialized in understanding women's problems. All of my previous study of improving my marital relationship has added to the depth of my knowledge, understanding and the ability to help others.  My college training did not, however, cover the basics of important differences between men and women that build a strong foundation for a successful marriage. I bring FW classes a lifetime of experience and training." The following are brief comments of success from Shirley Cox's classes:

Comments by Grateful Students in Shirley's classes.

"I watched a movie with my husband the other night after the children were all finally  in bed.  I said something to him about his big strong hands compared to mine. Earlier in the day I said something to him about how smart he is and that I really appreciated the way he has always stood his ground, regardless of what I did or said and that I had so much respect for him because of that.  So, when we were on the couch he leaned forward and kissed me very tenderly on my hair on the top of my head. To me it was so sweet and gentle in a man who can so often be very 'matter of fact.' His love language is 'physical touch' and I can tell he is reacting positively to me by his physical affection with me this past week." 

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"Thank you so much for your kindness and most of all your prayers. My husband did come home last night. After three days God prepared my heart and mind, using the gifts of his work and FW to guide me.

"I had my key in my pocket when he first called me. I told him that I needed to tell him some things.  I told him that I was sorry for the things I had done to change things between us. Then I asked him to come home when  he was ready to. He did come home 20 minutes later and I ran to meet him at the car. We talked for a very long time and then prayed together about it.

"Once he came inside (to a clean house) I concentrated on making dinner and other tasks other than to argue and blame him. What a difference!  After watching me for quite awhile my husband came over to me and wanted to hold my hand. The tenderness and kindness from him was back.  I then told him how  much I appreciated him and admired him for all the things he had provided for me and how much safer I felt with him there, and that I understood how hard it must have been for him at home lately, when I had put everyone and everything before him.  He then started to talk and tell me how sorry he was for hurting me and that he wanted to start over and make things as they should be."

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"This has been a phenominal weekend!  There is part of me that is just so amazed at how FW works.  In general our communication is better.  I tend to instantly react and don't deal well with last minute change, which can tend to be whiny, naggy or not a hint of girlish trust in him, but now I take a deep breath and sit with him first and then talk with him about whatever the issue is. And he has been more open and quick to apologize when he is grumpy. 

"This weekend was our 7th anniversary. I was going to cook a special meal to keep costs down. I put the oven on to preheat it but my husband said, 'don't cook. It's our anniversary and you shouldn't  have to cook, and he took me out to a restaurant that we used to go to a lot when we were dating. It was so sweet. And then at dinner he made a toast to 'many, many more  years together.

"Before coming back home we made a stop for a Christmas gift he is getting for my son and me - a keyboard.  He bought a good quality one with weighted keys.  He knows how I have always wanted to play the piano.  So, we can start with this one and if I love it and stick to it, he'll get a digital piano for us.  I almost cried.  Later, when we exchanged cards I had written that he was 'my everything.'  And then, much to my shock, he wrote the exact same words to me. This is nothing he has EVER said before.  Again, I almost cried (happy tears.)  This was our best anniversary to date!"

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"I am so thrilled to be in this group.  I cry a lot by myself because I am thankful to God for bringing FW back to me. My husband now comes home unexpectedly, early and hangs out with the family and me. Yesterday I got a flat tire. He drove to rescue us (so I would not have to use a AAA tow) and changed the tire.  It was 28 degrees outside. After he finished he opened the door to sit in our car. Upon opening the door the children and I clapped and screamed hooray continuously!  He loved it!"