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The official website of Fascinating Womanhood, by author Helen Andelin.

NOTICE!! The next Online Class begins Monday, January 1. The teacher will be Lisa Estrada. We begin taking enrollments the first of December. Instructions for enrollment are at the end of the section on classes. We are taking orders for books and workbooks. See Bookshelf for prices and instructions about ordering. Notice: The book, Man of Steel and Velvet is now back in print. See order page.

December 2006

The Perfect Christmas

In my opinion, the way to have the perfect Christmas is this: To begin with, you would need to forego two traditions. The first is the custom of adults exchanging gifts. This would have to be abandoned. Why? Because it robs us of the time, money and energy we need to create the perfect Christmas. In addition, it is pointless. When we think of the purpose of Christmas, adults giving gifts to adults doesn't fit. It detracts from, rather than enhances the real spirit of Christmas. I know this sounds a little drastic. The first Christmas you don't receive a gift from anyone you may feel a little teary eyed. But when it becomes a custom you will get used to it. And time and money spent on gifts for adults can be given to the poor and needy.

The second tradition you would have to forgo would be the myth about Santa Claus - a plump, jolly little man dressed in a Santa suit, who brings toys to good little girls and boys on Christmas. In my opinion it is wrong to play the game of deceit about Santa Claus. It is a paganistic custom that ought to be eliminated. If you perpetrate the myth about Santa, who does not exist, how can you hope to instill a faith in God who does exist?

This matter first came to my attention when my oldest son was four years old. In the afternoon, while my two younger children were taking naps, I was in the habit of resting on my bed. My little boy would usually climbed on the bed beside me and ask me to tell him stories. Frequently I told him about Heavenly Father. He soon formed the habit of saying, "Mom, tell me about Heavenly Father." As the Christmas season approached I decorated the house and our thoughts focused on Christmas. One afternoon he climbed on the bed and in the same usual tone of voice said, "Mom, tell me about Santa Claus." A cold chill ran through my body. That was just too much for me to ignore. That evening I told my husband about it and we determined we would not, in our home, play the game of deceit.

This is how we handled it: We explained to our children that Santa Claus is part of the Christmas tradition. Santa is anyone who dresses in a Santa costume - a red and white suit with a black belt and boots, including a white wig and long white beard. Then we explained that there are many Santas. There is the Salvation Army Santa, the department store Santa, the church Santa and a school Santa. But, the Santa who brings you toys on Christmas morning is your father. In this way we were totally honest with our children and preserved the trust children so desperately need in their parents word.

In my opinion, the ideal Christmas would focus on three things: The birth of Christ, the children, and the festivities. The following are my thoughts on all three:

The Birth and Mission of Christ:

To create an ideal Christmas the central theme should be the birth and mission of Jesus Christ. This is an ideal time to teach children and remind adults of this great event and what it means to each of us. This can be done by Christmas cards, decor of the house, activities in the home, sacred music and community events.

An excellent way to focus on the birth of Christ is to have your children participate in a home Christmas play. Make costumes for Joseph, Mary, the three kings, shepherds and angels. When you make the costumes make wide hems that can be let down each year. Copy designs from Christmas cards or pattern books. If there are not enough children in your family, combine with another family. The story can be read from the Bible by an adult. Invite an audience of relatives or close friends. You will have no trouble winning the cooperation of children since there are no speaking parts to learn and they love to dress in costumes. Even very small children can participate.

An alternative is to take your children to a Christmas program at church, school or other places in the community where the Christmas story is presented. Or, tell the Christmas story in your own words. Supplement this by expressing your conviction of the life and mission of the Savior. Your convincing testimony will be the greatest gift you can give your children and one which will remain with them all of their lives. A last thought is this: When decorating the home, concentrate on the nativity theme. Do all you can to make the Christmas story the central theme of Christmas.

One of the central messages of Christianity is Christs sacrifice for us. Explain this to your children. Even a tiny child can be taught what a sacrifice is. During the Christmas season, if possible, help your children make a sacrifice. You may suggest they give their favorite toy to a child who has nothing. My own children did that one year while they were all still living at home. They remember it as a significant Christmas. Or, they may create a Christmas gift for a needy child, using their own time and money. Or, you may join as a family to take a Christmas basket to a needy family. Let them set it by the door, ring the bell and quickly leave. Giving it without recognition makes it more of a sacrifice. If you don't know anyone in need, inquire at school, church, the Salvation Army or the city welfare department.

Christmas for Children:

Creating the right kind of Christmas for children is a challenge. You don't want to be overly lavish, nor overly stingy. The first thing to do is to find out what your children really want. Be in tune with them. Keep your eyes and ears open. Take them shopping. Write down ideas. If a child does not seem to know what he wants, rely on the time honored gifts such as dolls and homemaking things for girls and trucks and masculine things for boys. If you want to teach your children the value of quality, don't buy shoddy things that will fall apart on Christmas day.

If a child appears to want something "with all his heart," it may be best to stretch and buy it for him. On the other hand, the amount of money you spend is no guarantee of success. I have seen small children lavished with expensive toys only to ignore them and play with a small plastic airplane. As you can see, the art of buying gifts for children is challenging. You want to convey your feeling of love for the child without being overly indulgent.

The Festivities:

To make a wonderful Christmas for children concentrate on the festivities such as the Christmas tree, decor of the house, spicy cooking, Christmas music, and holiday socials. To achieve this, get the shopping done early and sewing out of the way so you have time to devote to the homey traditions which enrich the spirit of Christmas. Your time and effort to achieve this will make Christmas special to the children. Better to do less gift giving than to leave out this important part of the holidays.

Now, I would like to close this Christmas message by telling you a true story of a mother's love and devotion for her Children at Christmas.

A Special Christmas:

During world war II a mother and her three children were living in Arizona while the father was stationed in Alaska. It was understood between the mother and father that he would send money for the children's Christmas. Christmas drew near and no money arrived. The mother just knew the money would come in time so she waited patiently. Christmas Eve arrived but the money did not. She had nothing with which to buy her children's Christmas.

When her children were in bed she determined that her children would not be disappointed on Christmas morning. She got out a box of old clothes and began to brain storm. She found an old chiffon party dress, a worn-out fur coat, an old leather jacket and a woman's hat trimmed with ostrich feathers. She went into the bedroom and got her two girls "Snow White" dolls from last year. From the chiffon party dress she made beautiful doll dresses covered with ruffles, and bonnets trimmed with ostrich feathers. From the old fur coat she made her little boy chaps and bolero jacket. From the old leather jacket she made him tiny, real boxing gloves stuffed with cotton. She finished the last stitch just as the children began stirring in their beds on Christmas morning.

Many Christmases have come and gone since then but her children say it was the best Christmas they ever had. The son still has his little boxing gloves. These three adults sometimes weep when they tell of their mother's loving sacrifice to make a nice Christmas for them. She gave them more than doll dresses, chaps and boxing gloves. She gave them the gift of a mother's love and sacrifice. Isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Movie Magic:

If you would like to see a tender love story of a married couple living during the days of the great depression, here is one highly recommended by a FW follower:

Dear Mrs. Andelin, "I know you like to use literature and popular culture to illuminate the principles of Fascinating Womanhood. I think you would enjoy the film "Cinderella Man." At first glance a film about a boxer during the Great Depression might not seem your "cup of tea!"  However, this true story is a very touching romance between husband and wife and it shows how much a man wants to take care of those he loves and the lengths he will go to do so. It is heartbreaking at times, but ultimately very uplifting. It also illustrates how important the loyalty, support and understanding of a wife is to a husband, especially in difficult times." Lisa Stahley

My own comments: Since Lisa recommended it I have seen it a couple of times and find it stirs within me deep emotions and memories - all an important part of the history of this country, of which I was a living part. I apologize for the crude language used in the world of boxers and would not want children to watch it for that reason as well as the violence, but even that was a part of our history. I also recommend it. You will get a much better picture of that period of our country than just reading about it.

Over 15 million men were out of work and it was almost impossible for most of them to find a job, or even hope of finding one. Men who enjoyed good incomes, such as stock brokers, were suddenly thrown into the world of hard, backbreaking work, and lucky to find even that. Men had to face hunger and cold for their families, with no money to pay for food or heating bills. They had to gather scraps of wood in the winter to keep their homes warm. There were moments of desperation, especially for men who felt the weight of family needs. And yet as I look back on those difficult days I think it helped to purity us. May God help us be better prepared for the future.