Who Should Discipline the Children?
Dear Mrs. Andelin: I have a question: My husband doesn't discipline the children. I do! I have tried to back off and hope that he will step in and do his God given duty and discipline and train his children, however he just ignores their unruly behavior. I feel reluctant to just sit back and let my children misbehave because he does not intervene when necessary. Also he is not the spiritual leader in our home. He doesn't read the Bible and goes to church on Sunday only out of duty. I'm not sure he is a Christian.
Dear Friend: It is the women's role to stay home to care for the needs of the household and among other things to nurture, train, teach and discipline the children. When the man is gone all day earning the living, in a very challening world, he needs and deserves to have peace, rest, quiet and well-behaved children. If the woman does her part during the day the children will be so well behaved that there will be no need to discipline them when he comes home. Of course there is a role the husband has with his children - to inspire them to noble objectives, teach them truths to live by and counsel them one to one on a regular basis. And if he chooses to discipline them at times the wife should not step in and interfere. In this respect she honors him as the leader of his family, the shephard of his flock. Both the husband and wife have a moral duty to teach their children obedience, a responsibility for which they will be held accountable for in eternity.
About his not being a spiritual leader, not reading the Bible and going to church out of duty. You need to study Fascinating Womanhood more carefully. He has a right to his personal religious convictions, or lack of them. You should have dealt with your religious differences before you were married. Now you must accept him as he is and not try to enforce your religious convictions on him. God gave you your religious freedom and you should do the same for him. You are out-of-line to criticize him because he does no read the Bible and goes to church reluctantly. And whether he is a Christian or not should be strictly his own decision. That is the very essence of religious liberty, on which our country was founded.
Can Lost Love be Rekindled?
Hello, Mrs. Andelin. I am having a hard time these days of wanting to leave my husband. I don't think I could find a better man but I just feel these days like I would rather just be alone. I didn't go into marriage feeing this way but over time there were serious issues between us that tore us apart and still wear us down. He often threatens to leave me and constantly pressures me to work and bring in an equal income. What do you do when you stop caring or even wanting a good marriage anymore? Can you rekindle that lost love or is it a sign that you should just "throw in the towel?"
Dear Friend. Yes, you can rekindle that love but you will have to forget about yourself and focus on making him happy. I suggest that you get a job, as he wants you to, just to show him that you can do something you really don't want to do, just to make him happy. If you do it right it will not be long until he will want you to quit work. Pray intensley about this decision, then listen quietly and you will receive promptings of the spirit. If you think it will be a better life for you to be single, to support yourself and have no one to come home to or to love you, you are truly in the dark. I can't say much for single life when compared to the tender love and devotion that can exist between a man and a woman in marriage. You are the key, my friend. You are in a far greater position to bring this about than your husband. In a happy marriage every day ordinary experiences can be a real pleasure. I remember shortly before my husband died, one bright morning he said to me, "I can't wait to get out of bed and watch you in the kitchen getting breakfast."
I Never Really Wanted to Work
Dear Mrs. Andelin: I am a psychologist with a part time practice - eight hours per week. It is very demanding and stressful for me in the nature of the work and also in the fact that it is my income that detemines our lifestyle, whether we can stay in this house, music lessons for the children, etc, and it is a pressure on me that I don't like. I have never really wanted to work but just assumed that I must and should because I have this degree and my husband wants me to contribute. Now it is clear that God wants me to focus on my family but I realize that I am drained and distracted from working.outside the home. It is not my temperament to do two things like this at once and I can never get on top of things at home. I have disabled my husband in this and other ways by being so over-responsible and protective. He is miserable in his job where he is vastly underemployed but too afraid and pessimistic to try to find anything else, and becomes angry with me when I tell him I cannot cointinue working.
Dear Friend: It has been my experience that when a woman lifts, the man tends to "set his bucket down." I observe this with even the best of men. Both men and women have contributed to this dreadful situation in our society where we find women "locked into their jobs in the working world." But this problem is not easy to undo. My advice is this: Be a little patient and understanding of your husband's situation. Men are not solely responsible for this mixup of roles. They are victims, as women are. I sense that you feel "led by the spirit to quit your job." If so, then heed the spirit and have the faith to accept the consequences, even if it means moving to a less desirable location. If you do what is right it will turn out well for you, and this seems to be right in your case. Be patient if your husband has a hard adjustment. Now is the time to live FW fully. Be happy to be home, sing while you work and do all you can to make him happy. Accept him for the man he is and don't push him to get a better job. Let consequences push him. May God be with you.