October 2005
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Our High Calling When I was a child my mother was mentally ill and my best friend's mother died young. Neither of us received much in the way of mothering. After making many mistakes in life we both wound up married to wonderful Christian men. Neither of us understood how we got there, but we liked it and wanted it to last. |
During that time my husband became involved in the Common Law movement (related to the Freeman Standoff in Montana in 1995), was on national television as something like a terrorist, became a tax protestor, wound up being investigated by the government, lost a good job, found another one making less money and eventually our house was surrounded by a SWAT team and he was dragged off to jail in front of our children. In jail he refused to participate in giving them his name and fingerprints. He was a John Doe. That meant we could not visit him or give him his Bible or anything. It also meant that he received some rather brutal treatment from the police. In reality he had not broken any laws or done anything wrong. He was acting on what he believed was right and challenging the practices of the government.
A lot of people were telling me I should not put up with what he was doing, that I should leave him. I felt he had put other things ahead of the family. He personality seemed to change and that hurt. My friend and another woman who had read and practiced FW since the 1960s helped me stay focused on what was really important. I read the book over and over again and I prayed, but I thought "Yeah, this works for other women but it won't work for me."
There were women in our church who knew I did not go along with what he was doing. I also did not wear a head covering like they did. They tried to find ways to help my husband believe I was not a good wife. One accused me of flirting with other men because I was wearing pretty clothes, another one called me a witch. I looked in the book and did my best to follow what it said. This state of affairs lasted almost two years.
When he was in jail my husband fasted for four days and realized he was wrong on some things. He decided to cooperate with the law enforcement officers and all charges were dropped. He turned back into the man I married. Now, ten years later we are still ironing out some of the tax issues but we still have our house. We have been through many things, including two more babies, moving to the country, starting our own business and the vicissitudes of life which happen to everyone. A movie I think shows many principles of FW is Rob Roy, with Jessica Lange and Liam Neeson. That is my absolute favorite movie.
Last week I turned on the sound track in the kitchen and he heard it and started to cry. We became romantic, one of our sons walked in and we started laughing. He thought he had said something funny. My friend has not had as dramatic an experience but she and her husband have been landlords, had financial problems, been foster parents and still have a great marriage.
After five years my friend and I decided to teach an FW class. We invited some women we knew, bought copies of the Study Guide and Workbook and got all excited about saving the world. We had an interesting experience. Of the five women we invited two just wanted to complain about their husbands. We really had a hard time keeping them on track. One is divorced, the other not happy - old before her time. One decided FW laid guilt on the woman, saying the marriage problems were the woman's fault. Her husband committed suicide shortly thereafter. Another decided FW was not Biblical enough for her. The last one was a young woman who went on to marry a man with emotional problems. She loves him, he loves her, they have two children and she is doing admirably even though he is far from the perfect husband.
After our Study Class my friend and I felt we had failed somehow. FW had been so wonderful in our lives and our friends would not accept it. We wanted to cry. Many people we know refuse to read the book past a surface skimming. Then they complain about their marriages. We try to encourage them but it is frustrating. I would like to become authorized to teach FW. I am ready to try it again. I am sad to the point of illness at how many marriages I know that have fallen apart, after 20 or more years, or how many women are resigned to their roles as wives and mothers, rather than loving it and seeing it as the high calling that it is. I know that FW works. I know it is Biblical and I know we CAN live happily ever after with our Prince Charming !!!