One of the greatest feelings a man can have is to truly and deeply love a woman worthy of his love. Such soul stirring feelings can become a great motivator in his life, awakening him to higher objectives and finer goals. It has been known to refine a man, purging him from impurities. But a woman must be an angel to awaken such a deep and holy feeling of love. When she does, she helps him become a better man.

When I wrote Fascinating Womanhood I relied on examples from classical literature to support my teachings. About three weeks ago my youngest daughter, Merilee called my attention to one I had missed, a masterpiece called Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austin. This book, in print since 1813 when it was first published, is considered by many the finest book of fiction every written.  Before I left her home Merilee handed me a copy of the book and the DVD movie with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle, pictured above, and made me promise I would read the book and watch the movie.

As a result, I have read the book three times and seen the move many more times. When I called Merilee to report I said:  This is a treasure! It is a great love story with a special message to both men and women.  May God help me do justice to this message.  You can buy both the book and movie from Barnes and Noble online. It is probably also available in Barnes and Noble bookstores.  Be sure to get the recent version of the movie with actors Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. This movie version follows the book more closely than any previously produced.  It is also clean enough for the entire family to watch.   

The Gentry

The setting for the story is the early 1800’s in England. At that time they had a well established class system. At the top level of society was royalty, with their various titles. Next came the aristocrats, who also had their various titles.  The next level of society was the gentry.  Even within the gentry there were different levels. The top level of the gentry had great wealth, extensive lands and property, very large houses with ballrooms and a crew of servants. They were highly respected, honored and sometimes feared. You did not mix with this upper class without an introduction.  To do so would have been considered rude and bad taste. This upper class looked at those with less as inferiors, and seldom associated with them. And so it was with the different levels of the gentry. But even the lowest level of the gentry had the income to hire servants, and were expected to have them.

Beneath the gentry was a newly emerging middle class. Then came the tradesmen, then the servant class. A diligent or clever man may earn enough money to work himself into the gentry, but this usually took several generations before he was fully accepted into a higher class. The privilege of being on any level of the gentry was determined by a person birth, relatives, wealth and his connections, meaning his close ties with other people of his class..

The leading characters of the story are Fitzwilliam Darcy, known as Mr. Darcy, and Elizabeth Bennett.  Mr. Darcy was of the highest class of the gentry. He was handsome, tall with a stately appearance that commanded immediate attention and respect.  Like others of his class he looked at those not of his class as inferiors.  Elizabeth was of a lower class of the gentry. She was pretty, witty, charming and all that a woman should be. Their very first meeting was at a ballroom dance. Attending this dance were five new members of the community from the highest rank of the gentry. A young man from the North of England, Mr. Bingley, had come to this rural community to lease a large mansion for his own use.  He brought with him his two sisters, his brother-in-law and his close friend, Mr. Darcy.  Mr. Bingley was thought to be friendly and charming, but Mr. Darcy drew immediate attention. To quote from the book:

“Mr. Darcy soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien, and the report in general circulation that his income was ten thousand pounds a year.  The gentlemen pronounced him to be a fine figure of a man, the ladies declared he was much handsomer than Mr.Bingley, and he was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity, for he was discovered to be proud, to be above his company, above being pleased and not all his large estate in Derbyshire could then save him from a most forbidding countenance and being unworthy to be compared with his friend.”

Shortly after Mr. Darcy was introduced to Elizabeth she overheard him talking to Mr. Bingley, within a range she could hear.  Mr. Bingley was urging Mr. Darcy to dance with Elizabeth.  Darcy responded with  “She is tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time on me.”  Mr. Darcy did not regard Elizabeth or any other woman in the room as his equal and therefore refused to dance.  She became aware of his feelings of superiority, his arrogant manner as he walked about the room and regarded him with disgust. 

Mr. Darcy began to observe Elizabeth.  His observations were at first critical.  He scarcely allowed her to be pretty, but the more he observed her the more he wanted to know more of her.  He watched her, listened to her when she was talking to others. “Elizabeth was far from suspecting she was becoming an object of interest in his eyes.  To her he was only the man who made himself agreeable nowhere and had not thought her handsome enough to dance with.” He first looked at her without admiration, but had to admit that “her face was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression in her dark eyes, and he was forced to acknowledge that her figure was light and pleasing, and in spite of asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable word, he was caught by their easy playfulness.” These observations soon turned his feelings into admiration then, much to his alarm, he found himself falling in love with her. This prompted a struggle within himself to resist and even smother these heartfelt feelings, due to Elizabeth being so far beneath his level of the gentry, as in the following incidents. 

Darcy admired elegant ballroom dancing and at times participated in it himself.  Dancing the reel however, was another matter, one he considered noisy, unrefined and definitely bad taste.  He was aware that Elizabeth enjoyed dancing reels, so when Miss Bingley was playing lively music, he suggested to Elizabeth that she dance a reel.  She ignored him at first so he asked her again. “Oh,” said she, “I heard you before but I could not immediately determine what to say in reply. You wanted me, I know, to say ‘yes’ that you might have the pleasure of despising my taste. . . I have therefore made up my mind to tell you that I do not want to dance a reel at all. And now, despise me if you dare.”

“Indeed, I do not dare,” replied Darcy. Elizabeth.having expected to affront him was amazed at his gallantry, but there was a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anyone, and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her.  He really believed that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he would be in some danger.”

Elizabeth had been in the household where Mr. Darcy was staying for three days, taking care of her sister Jane who had become ill while attending a luncheon there.  Now it was time for them to return home. “To Darcy it was welcome intelligence. Elizabeth had been at Netherfield long enough.  She had attracted him more than he liked – and Miss Bingley was uncivil to her, and more teasing than usual to himself.  He wisely resolved to be particularly careful that no sign of admiration should now escape him, nothing that could elevate her with the hope of influencing his felicity; sensible that if such an idea had been suggested, his behavior during the last day must have material weight in confirming or crushing it. Steady to his purpose he scarcely spoke ten words to her throughout the whole of Saturday, and though they were at one time left by themselves for half-an-hour, he adhered most conscientiously to his book and would not even look at her.”

The first time Darcy asked Elizabeth to dance she turned him down. This did not discourage him. He was too busy looking into her beautiful eyes. The second time she accepted, somewhat unwillingly.  This dance was held in the luxurious ballroom of Mr. Bingley’s estate.  As they stepped out in the line to dance and bowed to each other, all eyes were upon them. They made a most beautiful couple, especially when dancing.  This was one of the most beautiful scenes in the entire movie. 

Their conversation during the dance was long, interesting, amusing, but somewhat strained. They learned some things about each other. Elizabeth asked a lot of questions after which Darcy asked:  “May I ask to what these questions tend?“  “Merely to the illustration of your character, “ she said,  “ I am trying to make it out.”  “And what is your success?”  She shook her head.
“I cannot make it out at all.  I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.”
“I can readily believe,” he answered gravely, “that reports may vary greatly in respect to me; and I could wish, Miss Bennett, that you were not to sketch my character at the present moment as there is reason to fear that the performance would reflect no credit on either.” “But if I do not take your likeness now I may never have another opportunity.”  “I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours,” he coldly replied. “She said no more and they went down the dance in silence; on each side dissatisfied, though by no means to an equal degree, for in Darcy’s breast there was a tolerable powerful feeling towards her which soon procured her pardon and directed all his anger against another.”

At his point there were two barriers in the relationship between Darcy and Elizabeth, his  was pride and hers was  prejudice, both abominable features of human nature that plague us all.  As I read this book I thought of the verse in Proverbs 6:16: “Six things doth the Lord hate, yea, seven are an abomination to him.” Top of the list is  “A proud look,” followed by such serious sins as “a lying tongue, murder, wicked imaginations, feet that are swift to run to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he who soweth discord among brethren." These are the sins that corrupt mankind, and top of the list is pride.  Prejudice is also a moral sin, caused by judging people wrongly and not understanding them correctly.

Darcy had an excellent father who taught him sound moral principles.  That he was spoiled he readily admitted but he firmly knew right from wrong, and as the story eventually reveals, had an excellent character. His most serious sin was his pride, which came close to destroying his truest happiness. Elizabeth sin was prejudice. She was quick to form judgments, listen to rumors, believe lies and form negative opinions against the innocent. Earlier in the story Elizabeth had confided to her sister, Jane that she would never marry without the deepest love. And yet, through her prejudice she came very close to losing the very thing she wanted most.  

The story now moved to a new location. Elizabeth was invited to visit her lifetime friend, Charlotte Lucas for a stay of about six weeks in Huntsford, Kent. Just a lane away was a large estate known as Roseings Park where Lady Catherine de Bourgh, an elegant lady in the highest class of the gentry lived with her only daughter.  Lady Catherine was Mr. Darcy’s aunt.  Darcy came to see her often and when he learned that Elizabeth was there he stayed three weeks. This threw them constantly together. They saw each other almost every day.  Darcy’s love for Elizabeth turned into passionate love but her feelings for him were still guarded and reserved.  He was still a man of abominable pride.  He still considered Elizabeth on a level far beneath himself. 

Finally Darcy decided he could bear it no longer that he would have to overlook his lofty position, declare his love for her and propose marriage.  He had not the slightest doubt that she would accept him. He expected she would welcome his proposal.  Why shouldn’t she?  He was rich, handsome, held in high esteem by the aristocrats, a catch for any woman. When he made his proposal he first declared his love for her in these words:  “In vain have I struggled.  It will not do.  My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” Then followed an avowal of all he had felt, and had long felt for her.” That was a beautiful beginning but then his pride got in the way.  He told her of all he had suffered in reaching this decision, that he knew he was going against the wishes of his family and even against his own better judgment. There are four pages in the book that detail this long conversation between them, so I will not go into it here but it is worth reading.

I will end my description of this scene by saying that Elizabeth was astonished and sat in silence before speaking. “She could not be insensible to the compliment of such a man’s affection,” but in spite of her not wanting to hurt him she gave him a review of her reasons for rejecting him – his arrogance, conceit and his selfish disdain for the feeling of others, ending with the final statement, “I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.”  Darcy was angry but also painfully shaken.  He could not believe what was happening. He had expected to have been accepted with warm admiration but instead was coldly rejected. He ended the conversation in the following words:
    “You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been.  Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.  And with these words he hastily left the room, and Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.”
     "As she reflected on what had passed, her astonishment increased with every review of it."
      "That she should receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy!  That he should have been in love with her for so many months!  So much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of the wishes of his family and his own better judgment.  It was gratifying to have inspired, unconsciously, so strong an affection.”   
    "The trouble with Elizabeth was that she was suffering from a bad case of prejudice. Most of her prejudice was due to his pride, his arrogant attitude and manner.  In this she may have been justified.  But pride was not the only thing that contributed to her prejudice against him.  She really did not know the better side of him, and propriety prevented him from making it known to her. This made her susceptible to false rumors and lies about him, especially from those who were resentful or jealous of him."
     "Darcy shut himself in his room and would not talk to anyone.  He had too much on his mind think of anything but what had happened.  He acknowledged to himself that when it came to his arrogance, the things Elizabeth had accused him of were true. But there were other things she believed that were not true.  He felt he owed it to his own feelings of self-respect, and to her, to clear himself.  If she was to judge him, she needed to judge him by true facts, not false rumors.  He sat down and wrote her a rather lengthy letter, one that covers five and a half pages in the book, explaining all she needed to know to think better of him, ending with the words, God bless you.  Fitzwilliam Darcy.  "

There is too much in his letter to cover it here, but I can briefly review it in the following words: Elizabeth began reading his letter with a strong  prejudice against everything he might say but as she read on, different events began to piece together. “He expressed no regret for what he had done which satisfied her; his style was not penitent, but haughty.  It was all pride and insolence.” But as she continued to read, every line proved more clearly that ”any contrivance that could render Mr. Darcy’s conduct no less than abhorrent, was capable of a turn which must make him entirely blameless throughout the whole.” 
    “As Elizabeth finished the letter she grew absolutely ashamed of herself.  She had been blind, partial, prejudice, absurd. ‘How despicable I have acted’ she cried. ‘I who have prided myself on my discernment, I who have valued myself on my abilities. How humiliating this discovery!  Yet, how just a humiliation.  Till this moment I never knew myself.’”

A Chance Meeting

Elizabeth and Darcy did not see each other for several months.  Then came a chance meeting that turned their lives around.  She had been invited to join her aunt and uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Gardner, for a vacation in one of the most beautiful parts of England, Derbyshire county. Elizabeth did not feel easy about entering Derbyshire, for this was the location of Mr. Darcy’s beautiful estate, Pemberley, nor did she feel inclined to explain this to her aunt and uncle, for they knew nothing more than she was acquainted with him. When they arrived at The Lambton Inn, where they were to spend a few days, Mrs.Gardner suggested they visit Pemberley. It was only five miles from Lambton.  Elizabeth was cold to this idea.  She was a young woman of great propriety and knew it would be exceedingly improper for the three of them to visit Pemberley without an invitation. But the aunt and uncle pressed to go, and when Elizabeth learned that none of the family were there, she silently agreed.

In the morning they began their drive to Pemberley.  As they drove along they watched for the first appearance of  Pemberley Woods. ”They entered it in one of its lowest points and drove for some time through a beautiful wood stretching over a wide extent.  They gradually ascended for half-a-mile and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence where the wood ceased and the eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House.  It was a large, handsome stone building standing well on raising ground and backed by a ridge of high woody hills.  She had never seen a place for which nature had done more.  At that moment she felt that to be mistress of Pemberley might be something!”  

“On applying to see the place they were admitted into the hall. At length the housekeeper came, a respectable-looking elderly woman much less fine and more civil than they had any notion of finding her:” Her name was Mrs. Reynolds.  “As she took them through the house Elizabeth noted that the rooms were lofty and handsome and their furniture suitable to the fortune of their proprietor, but Elizabeth saw, with admiration of his taste, that it was neither gaudy or uselessly fine, with less splendor and more real elegance than the furniture of Rosings,” the residence of Lady Catherine.  “Mrs. Reynolds took them to a small collection  of pictures:  ‘And that,’  said Mrs. Reynolds, pointing to a small picture, “is my master, and very like him.”

“I have heard much of your master’s fine person,” said Mrs. Gardner, looking at the picture. “It is a handsome face but Lizzy, you can tell us whether it is like him or not?”
Mrs. Reynolds respect for Elizabeth increased on this intimation of her knowing her master.
“Does that young lady know Mr. Darcy?
Elizabeth colored and said, “A Little.”
“And do you not think him a handsome gentleman, ma’am?’
“Yes, very handsome.”
“ I am sure I know none so handsome, but in the gallery upstairs you will see a finer, larger picture than this.” 
“Is your master much at Pemberley in the course of the year, “asked Mr. Gardner?
“Not so much as I could wish, sir, but I dare say he spends half of his time here.”
“If your master should marry you might see more of him.” said Mr. Gardner.
“Yes, sir, but I don’t know when that will be. I do not know who is good enough for him”
Mr. and Mrs. Gardner smiled and Elizabeth could not help saying,
“It is very much to his credit, I am sure, that you should think so.”
“I say no more than the truth and what everybody will say that knows him.”
Elizabeth listened with increasing astonishment as the housekeeper added:
“I have never had a cross word from him in my life and I have known him since he was four years old.” 
“His father was an excellent man,” said Mrs. Gardner.
“Yes, ma’am, and his son will be just like him.” 
Elizabeth listened, wondered, doubted and was impatient for more.  Mrs. Reynolds dwelt with energy on his many merits as they proceeded up the great staircase.   ”He is the best landlord, the best master, said she, that ever lived.. There is not one of his tenants or servants but will give him a good name. Some call him proud, but I am sure I never saw anything of it.  To my fancy it is only because he does not rattle away like other young men.”

In the gallery upstairs there were many family portraits but “Elizabeth walked on in quest of the only face whose features would be known to her. At last it arrested her and she beheld a striking resemblance to Mr. Darcy with such a smile over his face that she remembered to have sometimes seen when he looked at her.  She stood several minutes before the picture in earnest contemplation and returned to it again before they quitted the gallery. There was certainly at this moment, in Elizabeth’s mind, a more gentle sensation towards the original than she had ever felt at the height of their acquaintance.”

“The commendation bestowed on him by Mrs. Reynolds was of no trifling nature. What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant?  As a brother, landlord, master she considered how many people’s happiness was in his guardianship!  How much pleasure or pain was in his power to bestow!  How much good or evil was to be done by him! Every idea that had been brought forth by the housekeeper was favorable to his character,  and as she stood before the canvas on which he was represented and fixed his eyes upon herself, she thought of his regard with a deeper sentiment of gratitude than it had ever raised before. When all the house open for inspection had been seen, they returned downstairs and taking leave of the housekeeper were consigned to the gardener, who met them at the door.” 

“As they walked across the lawn towards the river Elizabeth turned back to look again.  Her uncle and aunt stopped also, and while her uncle was conjecturing as to the date of the building, the owner of it himself suddenly came forward from the road which led behind it to the stables.  They were within twenty yards of each other, and so abrupt was his appearance that it was impossible to avoid his sight.  Their eyes instantly met and the cheeks of each
were overspread with the deepest blush.  He absolutely started and for a moment seemed immovable with surprise; but shortly recovering himself advanced towards the party and spoke to Elizabeth, if not in terms of perfect composure, at least perfect civility.”

Elizabeth, “astonished and confused, dared not lift her eyes to his face. Amazed at the alteration of his manner since they last parted, every sentence that he uttered and every idea of the impropriety of her being found there reoccurring to her mind, the few minutes they continued together were some of the most uncomfortable in her life, nor did he seem much more at ease; when he spoke his accent had none of its usual sedateness, and he repeated his inquiries as to the time of her having left Longbourn, and of her stay in Derbyshire, so often, and in so hurried a way, as plainly spoke the distraction of his thoughts.  At length every idea seemed to fail him and after standing for a few moments in total silence he suddenly recollected himself and took leave.”

“Her aunt and uncle joined her and expressed their admiration for him, but Elizabeth heard   not a word. Her thoughts were fixed on that one spot of Pemberley House where Mr. Darcy then was.  She longed to know what at the moment was passing through his mind – in what manner he thought of her, and whether, in defiance of everything, she was still dear to him. Perhaps he had been civil only because he felt himself at ease. But there had been that in his voice that was not at ease. Whether he had felt more pain or pleasure in seeing her she could not tell, but he certainly had not seen her with composure.” 

As they continued walking on the beautiful grounds, they were again surprised to see Mr. Darcy come out of the house and walk towards them. He had, before they first met, been swimming in his lake, so went back into the house to make his appearance more presentable. As he approached them near the coach he said with some concern, “You’re not leaving are you?” He asked Elizabeth “if she would do him the honor of being introduced to her friends.” As she introduced them as her aunt an uncle she stole a sly look at him to see how he bore it.
“That he was surprised by the connection was evident; He sustained it, however with fortitude” and even invited her uncle to fish on his property.        

“Elizabeth could not help but be pleased, could not but triumph. It was consoling that Darcy should  know she had some relations for whom there was no need to blush. She listened most attentively to all that passed between them and gloried in every expression, every sentence of her uncle which marked his intelligence, his taste and his good manners. 

Darcy and Elizabeth walked on together and after a brief silence she spoke.  “She wished him to know that she had been assured of his absence before they came to the place, that the housekeeper had informed them that he would not be there until tomorrow, and that his early arrival had been very unexpected.  He acknowledged the truth of it all and said that business with his steward had occasioned him coming forward a few hours before the rest of the party with whom he had been traveling. “They will join me early tomorrow,” he continued “and among them are some who will claim an acquaintance with you – Mr. Bingley and his sisters.

“There is also one other person in the party,” he continued after a pause, “who more particularly wishes to be known to you. Will you allow me, or do I ask too much to introduce my sister to your acquaintance during your stay at Lambton? The surprise of such an application was great indeed; it was too great for her to know in what manner she acceded to it.  She immediately felt that whatever desire Miss Darcy might have of being acquainted with her must be the work of her brother, and without looking further;  it was satisfactory; it was gratifying to know that his resentment had not made him think really ill of her.”

As they left Pemberley, the aunt and uncle had a far different impression of Mr. Darcy than on entering it.  “As far as their acquaintance had reached, there was no fault to find in him. They could not be untouched by his politeness; and they had drawn his character from their own feelings and his servant’s report, without reference to any other account.  There was an interest in believing the housekeeper; and they soon became sensible to a servant who had known him since he was four years old, and whose own manners, indicating respectability were not to be hastily rejected.  It was evident that Elizabeth was much better acquainted with Mr. Darcy than they had before any idea of; and it was evident that he was still very much in love with her.”  

“For Elizabeth her thoughts were still at Pemberley. There was a motive within her of good-will towards Darcy.  It was gratitude; not merely from having once loved her, but for loving her still, well enough to forgive all the petulance and acrimony of her manner in rejecting him, and all the unjust accusations accompanying her rejection. He who, she had been persuaded, would avoid her as his greatest enemy seemed, on this accidental meeting, most eager to preserve the acquaintance and without any indelicate display of regard or any peculiarity of manner, was soliciting the good opinion of her friends and bent on making her known to his sister. Such a change in a man of so much pride excited not only astonishment but gratitude – for to love, ardent love it must be attributed.


This is the turning point of the story and I am only two thirds of the way through with my comments and selected quotes. You need to finish the book and be sure to read the ending, especially chapters 58, 59 and 60 for they are some of the best.  And do watch the movie, available in both DVD and video, with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle.  After you do this I would encourage you to read the entire book for there is more to the story than I have told.    

Summary

To get back to my original purpose in writing on this important subject, What Loving a Woman Can Do For A Man:  The point I wish to leave with you is this:  It was Darcy’s ardent love for Elizabeth that gave him the incentive to overcome his pride, turn his life around and become a better man.  The author here is talking about ardent love. She uses a lot of interesting terms to describe this kind of love.  In several places she calls it violent love, such as in the following lines:

She gave him to understand that her sentiments had undergone so material a change as to make her receive with gratitude and pleasure his assurances.  The happiness which this reply produced was such as he had probably never felt before and he expressed himself on this occasion as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to do. 

In another place the author describes it in this way - for in Darcy’s breast there was a tolerable powerful feeling towards her, which soon procured her pardon.

And in another place, Such a change in a man with so much pride excited not only astonishment but gratitude – for to love, ardent love it must be attributed. 

In Fascinating Womanhood we call this kind of love Celestial Love, for true love between a man and a woman is a holy kind of love, close to the love of God.  It is vastly different from the dutiful love, found in most marriages. 

An additional point I wish to leave is this:  No ordinary woman can awaken this kind of love in a man.  It takes an intelligent, interesting, unselfish, angelic, highly moral, diligent, self-disciplined, responsible, feminine, radiant, happy, loving and giving woman to awaken this kind of love. There is no way you can make a man feel obligated to love a woman in this way, or suggest it as his duty.  The woman must awaken this kind of love. Learning how to do this is a far more important education for a woman than chemistry and math.     

And one last thought is this:  In overcoming the two weaknesses of human nature described here – Pride and Prejudice, the woman has the uppermost control over both.  Elizabeth, by being the intelligent, adorable woman that she was, awakened Darcy’s passionate love for her, a love that impelled him to overcome his pride and become his better self. When it came to overcoming prejudice, she could have had the uppermost control here too, if she had been less judgmental, more understanding, and had the patience to learn the true facts in the case. The true facts were finally made known to her by Darcy’s letter and the housekeepers almost worshipful description of him, but she almost lost everything for both of them by her judgmental blindness.