First, check into your own life. Could you be the cause of it? Do you have a smooth running home? Are things picked up around the house? Dinner on time? When dinner is unnecessarily late and he is increasingly hungry, it can bring out the worst in a man. Are you spending too much money? Too much time talking on the phone? And how are you treating him? Are you careful of the male ego? Do you build him, or trample on him? Are you nourishing his soul with appreciation and admiration, and filling his other masculine needs? So first, be sure his bad temper is not your fault.

Next, check into his life. Is he having problems in his work? Are his plans being frustrated? Is he overloaded with responsibility with no solution in sight? Under a strain? Is he working for a goal that is draining off his energy, his patience? Or is his life the opposite - dull and monotonous, passing him by with nothing to show for it? How is his health? Does he feel up to par physically? If any of the above applies you can help him immeasurably by being patient and understanding, by expressing sympathy for his problems and trust in his ability to solve problems or reach his goals. When a man’s life is difficult his wife has her best opportunity to prove her worth. She is more indispensable to his happiness.

And last, you may have to accept some of his obstinacy as inborn. Some men have thin nerves. Life is more difficult for them. So, accept his short tempered nature as a part of him and don’t try to change him into a sweet tempered man or you may be in for more trouble. He may not know how to change and this can frustrate him, trap his emotions and make him more ill tempered than ever. It has been observed by some that the higher a man’s goals the more short-tempered he is inclined to be. We have covered the three possible causes of a man’s difficult nature and the best way to deal with them. But, how should a woman react at the moment a man is difficult? The following are two positive methods, rendered the Fascinating Way:

Be Feminine

How should a woman react at the very moment a man is difficult? One way is to be feminine. Use a gentle approach. An old Christian Hymn reads, “You can speak a gentle word, to the heart with anger stirred.” It is a method of handling an irritable husband in a way that will disarm him so that his anger softens or even disappears. An excellent example of this is the way in which Mrs. Carl Sandberg handled her husband, recorded in the book, A Great and Glorious Romance. The Sandberg’s daughter Helga writes of her parents, “There never were loud arguments back and forth in our house. My father raged and roared, and often. But it was one way. My mother coaxed him out of it. Once when he was very old I saw him pull at a door that was stuck. He rattled the handle and shouted. My mother, a small woman, looked up at him and patted his chest. “What a fine strong voice,” she said. Disarmed he stood there, in love. It was a thread established early, and woven through their life.”

Be Childlike

The second and probably the best way to handle a difficult man, at the moment he is difficult, is to react in a Childlike way called Teasing Playfulness, described in Chapter 25 of FW. The prime example I have given of this quality is Babbie from the novel The Little Minister by James Barrie. Babbie is such an excellent example that I have devoted most of the chapter to quotes from the book, which demonstrate her childlike quality of Teasing Playfulness in handling the short tempered Little Minister in a way that won his heart and soul. To quote from the book:

Babbie had tricked the little minister into helping her escape through a line of solders by pretending to be his wife. Gavin was furious. “It was beautiful,” she exclaimed, clasping her hands merrily. “It was iniquitous,” he answered. “And I, a minister.” After listening to his scolding, Babbie’s face changed and she became as a child. “I am very sorry,” she said, as if he had caught her stealing jam. The hood had fallen back and she looked at him pleadingly. She had the appearance of one who was entirely in his hands. “I do not understand you,” Gavin said weakly. Only a few hours ago you were a gypsy girl in a fantastic dress. Now you fling a cloak over your shoulders and become a fine lady. Who are you?” Babbie answered mischievously, “Perhaps it is the cloak that has bewitched me.” She slipped out of it. “Ay” she said, as if surprised. “It was just the cloak that did it, for now I am a poor ignorant little lassie again.” My goodness but clothes do make a difference to a woman.” This was sheer levity so the dignified minister walked away, but he was charmed.

FEELINGS: A Word of Warning

When speaking to a man in a childlike way, or in any way for that matter, take particular care that you do not wound him emotionally. By this I mean do not say or do anything that would make him feel guilty, ignorant, anxious, humiliated or inferior. Such feelings can be painful, sometimes injurious and will do nothing for either of you but put a wedge in your relationship. Avoid awakening these negative feelings in your husband, your children or anyone you are cultivating a relationship with. The only way we can help anyone to grow is to look to their better side and help them find happiness.

Assignment: During the month of November write down anything you are temped to say to your husband, one of your children, or anyone, that would have made them feel ignorant, guilty, anxious, humiliated or inferior. Then before the month is over, write down exactly what you could have said that would have made them feel good, that would have cultivated a better relationship. Please report any interesting experience as a result of doing this to the email address on this website:

It was August 1962 when Marilyn Monroe died at the age of 36, a probably suicide. Over the four decades later her fame is as great if not greater than it was during her lifetime. So many sex symbols have been forgotten while Marilyn Monroe continues to gather new fans and admirers, even from those who were not yet a gleam in their daddy’s eyes when she died. Endless books have been written about her. She has inspired artists as disparate as Norman Mailer, Gloria Steinam, Elton John, Andy Warhol and Andrea Dworkin.

What is the secret of her fascination? Part of it comes from her being so utterly feminine. In “River of No Return” Robert Mitchum warns Monroe, “Do that again and I’ll forget you’re a woman.” “I doubt that,“ she tells him and the audience doubts him even more. In a comedy radio program Monroe comments that she could never understand the fuss over her since “I’m only a woman,” and receives the astute reply, “But you’re so good at it.”

There is a dark side, however, to Marilyn’s life. She had multiple abortions. One biographer has written that she underwent as many as thirteen operations. As a result her uterus was damaged and suffered repeated miscarriages when she desperately wanted to have a baby.

Unfortunately femininity is associated with the “dumb blond” stereotype that Monroe depicted so endearingly in her comedies. As an intelligent person who was painfully self-conscious about her lack of formal education, MM feared that audiences might think she was ditzy as some of the characters she played and that fear may have contributed to her insecurity. However there are positive qualities that are traditionally feminine and Monroe possessed them to the nth degree. Her sweetness, warmth and childlike qualities aroused a fierce protectiveness in both men and women. Perhaps her childlike quality is what drew us closest to her.

What would have happened if Monroe would have survived to grow old? Many believe that her career would have faded away. In the opinion of these critics a wrinkled Monroe with a sagging body would have had no career. I disagree. She was a good actress and an excellent comedienne, gifted with exquisite timing. Her sweetness and vulnerability could have survived into middle age and beyond as she matured into a winsome character actress. Taking her craft seriously, Monroe studied acting, saying she wanted to be more than “an erotic freak.” But she was always more than that, much more. Monroe’s fame was not based on her ability to arouse lust, as countless other actresses have done, but her unique ability to touch our hearts. The tragedy was that she never knew how much we cared. We still do. We always will.”

Comments from Mrs. A: I agree that Marilyn Monroe was a wonderful example of childlikeness, femininity, warmth and sweetness of character. And she was a good actress. I feel, however, that we cannot portray her as an example of The Ideal Woman described in Fascinating Womanhood, as she was lacking in some of the most essential virtues.

I watched a TV interview of Lawrence Oliver in which he was asked to comment on Marilyn Monroe, as they were cast together in a movie. I think the title was The Prince and The Showgirl, or something similar. He said that when he first worked with her he thought, “I am surely going to fall in love with this girl.” But as they worked together he detected a very self-centered, inconsiderate, selfish side. She would keep everyone waiting for long periods, even hours, in being later for performances. Finally he lost all feeling for her. However, like anyone else, we will forgive her and look to her better side. We will remember her as a shining example of sweetness of character, feminine charm and childlikeness.

Assignment: Try being very “sweet” this month to both your husband and children. To remind yourself of this assignment, put a small jar of M&Ms in your kitchen cupboard and reward yourself with one each time you are especially sweet. No fair picking in between.