By Helen Andelin, Author of Fascinating Womanhood
I am painfully aware of the many beautiful single women throughout this country who want, more than anything, to be married but are not. Why? Is it due to a lack of men? Not really. There seems to be a generation of handsome, eligible men across the country. But why do they pick certain women but pass over others who appear to be just as attractive? I received the following letter a few weeks ago that focuses on this common problem:
Dear Mrs. Andelin,
“Thank you so much for your teaching, website and allowing the Holy Spirit to move through you. I am still single at 30, have studied your books and bought 10 and given them to my friends, mostly married. One by one they are being won over to the principles. I feel kind of strange at times giving advice to my married friends when I myself have never been married.
“I became a Christian when I was four, went to a Christian school and prayed since I was sixteen years old for my husband. I studied The Word when I was in high school to see what I, as a woman, should do with my life. I have always believed I am called to be a wife and mother.
“I have dated many men, but they go away and plan to come back when they are ready for marriage. I am the kind of girl men marry, supposedly. I am attractive and have studied my whole life on how to be a whole person in Christ and how to be a good wife. I have studied men and tried to understand the best way to be a refuge for a man, not a nagging wife. Even right now I have been friends with a guy and dated him and he is in the army, stationed away from me. He emails me occasionally to tell me how great a person he thinks I am and he misses me, but that is it. He thinks I am above other women, but how does this help me?
“I just want to be a wife and have babies, many babies. I just don’t understand. I have read a million books, prayed a trillion prayers, tried it all, even the things in Secrets of Winning Men and been in 12 weddings as a brides maid. I have been so many women’s prayer partner and encouraged them in their lonely struggle only to see them married and me as a bride’s maid. I am not bitter. I love my Lord. I trust Him. I believe He is sovereign over all this, the one who put the call in heart to be a wife and mother. I work as a political consultant but I am happiest when I am cooking and cleaning. Most girls think this sounds crazy but it is true. I want babies and dogs and to give my love to someone, rather than thinking of just me, and my life.
“My question is, am I missing something? How can a man miss me and think of me above all others but not commit? Our singles group is doing the Song of Solomon study at our apartment now. I first read the book when I was 16. I first did the group study when I was 24. I am now just plain bored with it. I want to be a wife, not just study to be a wife. But, I truly am glad for my life and His preparation of me! Any suggestions?” M
My answer to M is summed up as follows:
To begin with, never give a man the impression you are anxious to be married, especially anxious to have babies, many babies. This can frighten a man away. It is a matter of masculine psychology. Another thing, judging from what you said in your letter, you may appear a bit too good for this man. You may be too much of an Agnes and not enough of a Dora. He may worship you, but not love you. The ideal woman, you will remember, is both angelic and human. As I write, the words to a beautiful poem come to mind, words that uphold this very point of view. Have you read She Was a Phantom of Delight, by William Wordsworth? It is in the FW Workbook. I will print it here for your benefit:
She Was A Phantom of Delight
She was a phantom of delight Wordsworth describes his ideal woman as a perfect woman, nobly planned, with something of angelic light, and yet she had a human side too. He describes her as a creature not too bright or good for human nature’s daily food. And remember, Deruchette had certain mischief in her eye, giddness, vivacity, and the teasing playfulness of a child. You may be too good for a man to feel comfortable around. Try showing your human side more. I’m sure you have one, as every woman does.
I have covered only a couple of points that seemed obvious in reading your letter. Now you need to take a good honest look at yourself. You may be making other mistakes you are unaware of, or you may by lacking in something, something a man finds important, but something you cannot see. You will never get anyplace until you find out what is wrong with you. For example, suppose you have a car that won’t start. You try and you try but it just doesn’t start. You may think it should and wish it could but that doesn’t do any good. It still will not turn over. So, if you are ever going to get anyplace what can you do? You have to find out what is wrong with it.
If I were in your situation I would ask the Lord to tell you clearly and plainly exactly what is wrong with you, why you cannot cultivate a serious relationship with a man you could get interested in. Now the truth may be painful, as it so often is, but face it honestly. There is no gain without pain. High goals often bring pain and frustration, but the truth is always the key to progress. Remember, Christ taught, Ye shall know the truth and the truth will make you free. The truth will make you free of the frustration of darkness, of not knowing. Don’t be afraid of the truth. Painful as it may be, it contains the answers to your problems.
Comments from Grateful Students:
“Is this really you? I am so excited about FW. My friends and I read The Fascinating Girl in college and had so much fun seeing the changes when experimenting with your advice. The changes are instantaneous!!! Now I am married and reading FW. It’s a bit hard right now since I have a full time job but my husband just received his Master’s Degree in theology and is now looking for a job, so I can quit my job and devote my time to him and our baby boy. I am really looking forward to fully applying the principles that are laid out in the book
“Thank you for giving us such a great example to follow. Coming from a family of ten girls (no boys) it has helped me understand the social aspects of how to treat men. I used to “kill my own snakes,” thinking it would impress men and win them over. It wasn’t until I learned how to let them take care of it for me that I found my husband. I am his little princess. Thank you!!! Thank you!! Thank you! I hope this isn’t over-souped. God bless you. M”
“I have been conducting a study group at home over the last few weeks and the results are outstanding. I would dearly love to teach this to as many people as I can. I love FW and when speaking about it have found that almost everybody wants to learn more about it. Just today I read in our local paper about abuse in the home, and how it is increasing. I truly believe that if we can get our marriages back in harmony, with love permeating the whole household, this abuse will have to decline. Households that are full of love are happy and harmonious.”
“Hi, I would like to order this book wholesale. Could you tell me how I can order it at a wholesale rate? I would like to sell thousands of copies. I am so inspired by the principles of this book and would like to share it with all the people in my life. Thank you.”
“I find it such an honor to have found your website and to be able to email you! I have your book, Fascinating Womanhood and have to tell you that it is awesome. There are so few real wives and mothers out there that having you has been my place to turn to for answers and help. Thank you so much. I am getting ready to write a letter to ask for the Teacher’s Permission Form. My husband is in the military and we meet quite a few people in our traveling around, people who could benefit from the classes. I would love to teach the class, as applying the principles has helped our marriage so much. A lot of military wives are stay-at-home mothers who feel somewhat unconnected from their husbands. I want to help them. Thank you so much for the wise information and help.”
Bulletin Board:
I am interested in taking a Fascinating Womanhood class. I live in Estero, Florida, half way between Naples and Ft. Myers. If anyone in that area is planning to teach a class, please contact me at: 941-495-1488. April O’Leary.
News Brief:
Fascinating Womanhood Classes:
FW Teaching materials:
About the churches:
Books:
http://www.fascinatingwomanhood.net
andelins@sofnet.com
June 2002
When first she gleamed upon my sight.
A lovely apparition, sent
To be a moment’s ornament;
Her eyes as stars of twilight fair;
Like twilight’s too, her dusky hair;
But all things else about her drawn
From May-time and the cheerful dawn;
A dancing shape, an image gay
To haunt, to startle and waylay.
I saw her upon nearer view,
A spirit, yet a woman too!
Her household motions light and free
And steps of virgin liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A creature not too bright or good
For human nature’s daily food,
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears and smiles.
And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine;
A being breathing thoughtful breath,
A traveler between life and death;
The reason firm, the temperate will
Endurance, foresight, strength and skill;
A perfect woman, nobly planned
To warn, to comfort, and command;
And yet a spirit still and bright
With something of angelic light.
By William Wordsworth
NH
For various reasons we are making a few changes in the Fascinating Womanhood Teaching Program. From now on, anyone teaching the Fascinating Womanhood program will need to fill out a Teacher Application form, a new double fold one, attach a recent photo of yourself and send it, along with a $6.00 registration free to the FW office. We will then review the form and if you qualify send you a legal permission for a two year period, after which you may apply for renewal. It will help us a great deal to know who is teaching FW and where. And remember, your suggestions are always welcome.
The Teacher’s Lesson Guide and the Student Workbook will be available only to authorized teachers. They will no longer be available to the public, on the internet or otherwise. Any other teaching materials we have or develop will also be exclusively for the FW teaching program. If you are currently teaching a FW class or plan to teach, the first step is to write or email your request for a Teacher Application Form to Fascinating Womanhood, PO Box 219, Pierce City, Missouri 65723. Or, email andelins@sofnet.com. We will mail you an application form and we will take it from there.
The churches have been our best allies. Although we are making some restrictions in the FW teaching program, we will continue to respect the freedom of the churches to adapt religious doctrine to their own interpretations. We believe this more closely knit program will help the teachers be more effective, more motivated and keep them from feeling they are working alone, but are a valued part of a world-wide program to improve marriages and families and help the world find greater peace and happiness.
Fascinating Womanhood has gone up in price to $7.99. This price is always set by the publisher, Random House. The book, The Secrets of Winning Men is temporarily out-of-print. It will be in print again sometime in the fall, under the title, The Fascinating Girl. Otherwise it is the same book. The Spanish version of Fascinating Womanhood, La Mujer Encantadora is also temporarily out-of-print. We do have a few hardback copies left without jackets. ($10.00 ea) The Spanish version of FW will be in print again before long with a more recent translation (1989) and a new title, Femineidad Fascinante. We don’t have a print date on this yet.
