By Helen Andelin, Author of Fascinating Womanhood
If you want the fantastic marriage we describe on this web site, you have to make time for it. I have been very observant lately and I notice that women now days are too busy, even the stay at home wives. They are too involved in crafts, projects, church activities, driving children back and forth to various functions or they spend too much time talking on the phone. All of these things may be important, but how important? More important than a happy marriage?
If you have several small children and don't keep a handle on things you can really create problems, especially for your husband. I have seen households where the hard working father comes home to an over-abundance of noise and confusion. He may take this in stride for a while but when the evening wears on and tiny children who should be in bed by seven or eight are up running around until the parents bedtime, there is really no time for love.
If you are interested I will tell you how to solve this problem. Step number one is to awaken your little ones early, as soon as you are up and dressed. Don't let them sleep in until nine or ten. And if they take a nap, don't let them sleep too long. Then when eight o'clock comes they will be ready for bed. It is unfair to send a child to bed before he is sleepy. Not only unfair but a headache. He will keep getting out of bed, asking for a drink or any excuse to keep from being trapped in bed. If older children are in the household they can find ways to occupy themselves and teenagers are usually busy with homework or social activities. This method will give you time to be alone with your husband.
I am remembering the early days of my marriage when we had six small children. I had to develop a schedule to survive so I followed the routine above. Our household was dead silent by eight o'clock in the evening and it was wonderful! We would sit in our cozy living room just talking. My husband sat in a large, very comfortable dark green chair with fringe on the bottom, telling me all that was on his mind, how the day went or what he wanted to do in the future. I sat across from him mostly listening. It was a special time, brought us closer together and helped us cope with the difficulties of life.
To consistently have this time together you may have to trim life down. Sometimes this takes courage and the firmness to say no. For example, one afternoon I heard a knock on my door. It was a man from my church asking me to teach a primary class once a week. When I explained I had my hands full with six small children he looked at me rather strangely, in a way to let me know he did not consider it a valid excuse, but I gathered up my courage and told him no. When my husband came home I asked him if I did the right thing and he said absolutely. Later on I gave considerable time to my church. By then it was the right thing to do.
This time alone is pretty important, even for your sex life. Among other things it will help to turn you on. Women sometimes ask me "Is it necessary to respond in sex every time your husband wants it?" "Isn't it ok to decline when you don't feel like it?" I usually say, "Why approach it in the negative." Why not bring some passion into your life." This time alone can turn sex from a duty to a pleasure. It is usually busy women who ask these questions.
Comments from Grateful Students:
"Mrs. Andelin, thank you for all the work you have done in preserving the home and the fabric of American society."
"According to my own experiences and my personal relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ, surely He has inspired your writings through the workings of His Holy Spirit. Thank you for a wonderful and inspired piece of work."
"I was very much impressed as I read Fascinating Womanhood. It so witnessed to my spirit that what you were saying was true. I have read so many books about improving marriages, how to be a better wife, mother etc. Most often, though, I've ended up being depressed or frustrated because they weren't touching on the right issue; they seemed to be generally vague. You are the first person to write so explicitly - why we need to do or say what has to be done and said, what happens when we do those things and how he responds when we don't do them."
News Briefs
The Historian: Julie Neuffer, the historian, is making progress on her dissertation, The Fascinating Womanhood Movement. Although she is a busy lady, teaching school and taking classes for her doctorate program, she manages to spend time working on her FW project.
This week I received an email from her guiding professor, Dr. Leroy Ashby who made it clear how qualified Julie is in these words: "Your story and that of Fascinating Womanhood deserves historical attention, and Julie is the ideal scholar to undertake such a project. As you have discovered, she is careful, extremely conscientious and fair- minded. Moreover she writes exceedingly well, a strength that will make her study both readable and interesting. It is a genuine pleasure working with her and I am delighted with the progress she is making.
Another thing about Julie that speaks well of her qualifications is this: After being immersed in this project for a few weeks Julie wrote to me: "Now I am your BIGGEST FAN!!!" How fortunate we are to have someone who believes in this wholeheartedly, to record its history.
Allys: I am still seeking allies to help in this program. This list is growing rather slowly so I invite you to consider it. If you have benefited from the teachings of Fascinating Womanhood, if you have a greater understanding of what makes a marriage work and more success in living it, then you can show your gratitude by becoming an ally to this cause. After I get a large enough group enlisted, I will explain more about the program.
Classes: As always, we desperately need qualified teachers. We never have enough to fill the need. If you are interested in registering to be a teacher, please click on Class on the main menu it will lead you to information. When ready to teach write to us and request a Teacher Application Form.
We have many requests for classes and it has been almost impossible to dispense information about where to find one that exists. To fill this need we are asking those who are teaching or plan to teach to place a small add in the want add section of your local newspaper. Then, when someone calls and wants to know if there is a class in Atlanta, for example, we will refer them to the want add section of the Atlanta Journal..
Scarecrow and Mrs. King: A new series will begin Tuesday, March 5 on Pax TV.
Class in Nashville: A Fascinating Womanhood class will begin
Friday, March 15 at 10:00 am to 12:00 pm. If you would like to
attend please call Paula Carnegie 771-9966 for reservations and
directions. The class will be held in Cool Spring, near Nashville.
Memorize the following:
"There is in this world no function more important than that
of being charming, to shed joy around, to cast light upon
dark days . . . is not this to render a service?"
http://www.fascinatingwomanhood.net
andelins@sofnet.com
March 2002
From Toiler of the Sea by Victor Hugo