Marriage, The Fascinating Way

October  2000

Marriage can be Beautiful One of the main purposes of this web site is to provide positive assurance that married life can be beautiful, and that romantic love does not have to end at the alter. It can grow finer and deeper through the years. And if it has slipped into a state of mediocrity or abuse it can be rescued and transformed into the love affair it was designed to be. Believe me, I know what I am talking about. I have had many years of experience teachings these principles with astonishing results. This past month I received the following letter from a lady who experienced just such a transformation in her marriage:

Going All the Way

"Fascinating Womanhood has transformed me from an angry, tired, stressed career woman with no time, energy or patience for my husband, into a feminine, adored and beloved wife. I cannot fully describe the changes that have taken place in me and in our marriage over the past year but want to share a bit with you. Please feel free to share or publish it if you think it will be of benefit to other women.

"A lovely friend of mine (a devout Christian and a wonderfully feminine role model) introduced me to the book last year. I practiced all of the FW principles EXCEPT, I thought I could do it without giving up my high-powered, lucrative career. I resisted that strongly, thinking there was just no way we could give up the income. The chapters in the book which describe the loss of femininity and stress associated with the wife working convinced me, however, and after much prayer I quit my job six months ago. I can honestly say, and my husband heartily agrees, that this was the best thing that has ever happened to us! My friends, co-workers and relatives were shocked to say the least. Some became so angry and behaved so cruelly towards me that they are no longer my friends, and some relationships are just plain strained. Some of these people think I am nuts. My own mother said I am "crazy." I wonder if other women have experienced this? I feel deeply sorry that these women are still stuck in the same miserable place I was in for so many years. I feel sorry for their husband's too.

"Even while I was still working but applying the principles of FW our marriage improved profoundly and immediately. But being tired and stressed makes it easier to backslide into old behaviors, and once I realized this I told my husband of my decision to quit my job. His initial reaction was one of panic and he actually blew his top. After discussing your teachings on the subject, which he knew had had a profound influence on our marriage already, and after explaining that I wanted to do this so I could be a calmer, better wife and more available to him, he quickly did an "about face" and his feelings on the subject changed completely. He now says frequently that it was the best thing that could have ever happened to us and he never wants me to work outside the home again.

"This final decision to "go all the way" with your teachings was a real leap of faith and the final blow against misery. I now have a loving, adoring husband. We've been married for 20 years and prior to FW my husband never said he loved me, never expressed appreciation or admiration for me, mocked me, derided me to others, drank heavily, was verbally abusive and was away from home as much as possible. I was an angry, bitter, critical, stressed and exhausted woman and I regret that I didn't find FW at the beginning of our marriage.

"I have filled three "love journals" with the blessings that have come to me, my husband and our son, and I delight in writing down all of the loving and wonderful things my husband now says to me. I just bought my fourth "love journal" because the third one is full! He is so tenderly affectionate now. He even kisses my hands and feet! He gazes at me with admiration; he cherishes me; he is at my side almost constantly and never goes anywhere without me, even a quick trip to the store is in tandem! If he must leave the house alone to conduct business, when he comes home he says he couldn't wait to get back to me! He has also dropped his friendships with some really indescribably low characters. Our sex life has gone "through the roof." My husband said in the past he envied men with feminine wives, but no longer! He calls me his "little girl" (I'm six feet tall) and he tells me how feminine I am. My husband says, "No other married couple can be happier or closer than we are."

"These wonderful blessings came just as you said they would, but we experienced "Pandora's Box" a couple of times and I applied your teachings for my reactions to that. It was awhile, too before his thick wall of reserve completely crumbled. We share everything now, are completely honest with one another, we support one another lovingly and we delight in our warm friendship. I obey him and he cherishes me, just as the vows we took 20 years ago instructed us to do! "EVERYTHING in FW has worked! I've bought several copies of the book and have given them to family members and friends. I want everyone to enjoy the happiness we have found. We truly feel we didn't even know one another before FW and are "living in a dream come true." I thank God for you and for FW. You are an angel. "I read all of the back issues of the FW Newsletter on your web site last night and saw that you lost hour beloved husband last summer. I am so sorry. I pray that your memories of the deep love you shared will sustain you until you are together again in heaven.

PS: A Second Letter

"I didn't even scratch the surface in my letter to you. I could write an entire book just on the glorious transformation of our marriage since adopting ALL of the FW principles. My husband was a truly corrupt and lost man before I applied the teachings of FW. And I criticized him, ignored him, froze him out, just did everything wrong in response to his abuses and neglect. I lived my life and he lived his. I thought I could change him. What a fool! My ways weren't the ways to accomplish anything positive. You see, I had never had a good marriage modeled for me so I just did what my mother always did. I treated my husband like my mother treated my father. My father had a more docile temperament so she had an easier time being wrong that I did. I just pushed my husband further and further away from me and I believe he had come to really despise and loathe me. Unconditional love and acceptance were what he craved. I was also very "tough" and able to "kill my own snakes," so he didn't feel needed by me.

"He said again today how grateful he is that I quit my job and that we both "woke up and got it at the same time and before our marriage was ruined completely." What he doesn't truly grasp is that I woke up and got it months before he did when I started living FW and he was the "latecomer to the party." I believe the changes in me have allowed him the freedom and confidence to become the Godly HAPPY man he is today.

"He says he has never been so happy in his life and he will never let anything or anyone come between us, he will never let anything take away what we have found together. He is so very protective of our relationship and of me now. For the first time he wants to wear his wedding ring.

" And having quit my job I have time to think my thoughts, feel my feelings, worship God and meditate on FW. The lack of work stress has allowed me to be the feminine, tranquil woman my husband loves today. And I have time to focus on him and really listen when he talks. He confides in me about everything now and I find there is really so much to admire in him. "Tonight I was feeling a little insecure as he explained something "worldly" to me. He said I was so naïve I wouldn't understand it unless he explained it. A little tear escaped me and I told him that maybe he didn't like it that I was so naïve, that maybe he would admire a more worldly woman. He took my hand and kissed it and replied, "On the contrary. I wouldn't love you nearly so well if you were worldly, because you would be hard, not soft and feminine. He called me his little angel and said it was his responsibility to protect me from the evils of the world. All of this from a man who really didn't care if I lived or died before FW! This man who never said he loved me before now cannot stop telling me and showing me and he keeps coming up with new ways to express himself.

"In my letter to you I said that some friends and former co-workers reacted so bitterly and with such hostility to my quitting my job that they are no longer my friends. They were angry and said I was wasting my time and talents, that I let them down. When I see these women now I see the worry and stress etched on their faces. They seem haggard and downtrodden. They are trying to do everything and are doing no one thing extremely well. NONE of them have a glowing happy and rewarding marriage. My mother, who says I am crazy, nuts and brainwashed, is very bitter, resentful and angry. She is an unhappily married 60 year old woman and I grieve that she hasn't embraced your teachings. Yes, I gave her a copy of your book and talk FW to her when I can. Unfortunately she is not very receptive. I pray she will get it before it is too late. "May I ask how old you were when you wrote Fascinating Womanhood? It's just curiosity, and if you would rather not answer just ignore my questions. Also, how long were you married before your husband died? (I was 42 to 45 while I was writing FW. My husband and I were married for 58 years.) "EVERY woman needs this information at the beginning of marriage, not 20 years into it, as I did. My husband and I regret all the years we lost but rejoice in the present and pray that God will give us back "the years that the locust has eaten." Last night before sleep my husband turned to me and said how sorry he felt for all the people who live and die and never get it, who divorce because they don't ever find what we have found. I wish you joy, Mrs. Andelin, and good health. My heart aches for your having lost your husband.

State of Virginia

Scarecrow and Mrs. King:

If you have been watching the S&MK episodes on Pax TV you may be interested in two petitions regarding the show. The first is to Warner Brothers, requesting they reproduce the entire series on video and make it available to the public. The second is a request for a Reunion Movie, a follow up episode with Bruce Boxleitner and Kate Jackson, showing what has happened to Lee and Amanda after all this time. The two stars are audience friendly and therefore warm to the idea. To add your support to the two petitions click on a search engine, such as Yahoo, and type in Scarecrow and Mrs. King. Then select Nacy's web site. Add your name as soon as you can, before the end of November. The show appears on Pax TV Monday through Friday at 4:00 pm central time. A different scheduling is Saturday and Sunday at 10:00 pm.

You may also get to Nacy's web site by clicking on the link provided below.

Nancy's Scarecrow and Mrs. King web site.

Partners:

If you are finding it difficult to live the teachings of Fascinating Womanhood you may want to consider finding a partner. Partners can offer support to one another and help each other "keep on track." With a little time it can grow into a small group, which is even better. If you need a partner, send us your name and email address and we will post it on this web site: I would like a Pen Pal: Jane, 39 years old, Sydney, Australia. janeroeoldham@hotmail.com