September, 1999

A Christian Principle

Those who have read Fascinating Womanhood know about the Pandora's Box reaction I have described in Chapter 14. To explain it as a Christian Principle, and for the benefit of those new to these teachings, I quote from the book:

"I would like to describe a surprising problem which may occur as you begin to practice the principles of Fascinating Womanhood: When a marriage has had real problems, and the wife makes a dedicated effort to improve it by applying the principles of Fascinating Womanhood, it can cause a peculiar reaction in her husband which I call Pandora's Box.

In a Pandora's Box reaction, instead of the man responding with love and tenderness, he becomes angry and pours out hostile feelings towards his wife. Why does he do this? Up to now he has been afraid to express his anger. In the face of his marriage problems he has felt he must suppress his anger to hold his marriage together. This is not to say that he acted wisely, but only to say that he did so out of what he felt was a necessity. A high-principled man who loves his children will make every effort to hold his marriage securely together.

When his wife applies Fascinating Womanhood over a period of time, he begins to feel secure in his marriage. He no longer feels he must hold his troubled feelings within and loses his fear that speaking out will cause marriage problems. Then one day, at last, he dares to open Pandora's Box and release the resentful feelings he has kept hidden there.

If you should face this situation, allow him to empty Pandora's Box. You should, in fact, encourage him to speak freely and completely. And you should not make the mistake of defending yourself, justifying yourself or fighting back. You will have to sit there quietly, taking it all and even agreeing with him by saying, "I know, I know, you are right." But, when the last resentful feeling has been expressed and Pandora's Box is empty, he will have a feeling of relief and a love and tenderness towards you not felt before. And if he has had a reserve (described in Chapter 12), it will probably come tumbling down along with the Pandora's Box reaction."

Now, about the Christian Principle supporting Pandora's Box: First, I claim openly and consistently that the principles of Fascinating Womanhood are based on Christian principles, or sound moral principles which do not change and which will exist forever. I formerly published a booklet, which spelled out many of the Christian principles supporting the teachings of F.W. This little booklet is out of print but will be back in print again. I have been re-organizing and improving it before publication.

The Christian Principle which supports Pandora's Box is found in Matthew 5:23-24: "If thou bring thy gift to the alter, and there rememberest that thy brother has ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the alter, and go thy way; first be reconciled to they brother, then come and offer thy gift."

These two verses have deep meaning in the field of human relations: If you sense that someone is angry or resentful towards you, that you may have offended them, you should take the initiative to go to that person and invite them to express their resentful feelings. If you ever want things right between you, this is the best way to do it.

On the other hand, if you are the angry, resentful person who has been offended it is much more difficult to correct the situation by going uninvited to that person and expressing yourself. You would likely just open a can of worms and cause an argument. It just has to be the other way around. There is, however one exception: You can express your angry, resentful feelings towards your husband in a Child-like way. But remember, for Child-likeness to be effective you must live all of Fascinating Womanhood first. Otherwise you will have the same unhappy results you would if you expressed your anger to someone else.

The main thought I wish to leave is this: Resentments are an enemy to a happy marriage. You can do your part by inviting your husband to have a Pandora's Box reaction. This is often the beginning of a tender, loving relationship.

By Aubrey Andelin

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