________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________

By Helen Andelin, author of Fascinating Womanhood

The secret of awakening his willingness is Feminine Dependency. When a woman acquires this quality she will find her husband doing all those things she never could get him to do and he will do them without urging. This seems hard to believe but our experiences prove it is true. Here is a letter which illustrates:

"I've been married 25 years and have worked hard on my marriage since I was 15 years old. I did so many things to build a good marriage but was truly ignorant of what I wasn't doing to have a rewarding relationship.

"Since I've dropped being so masculine in chores, finances, sports, sexual relations and so many ways, my husband has put up curtain rods, hung draperies, done yard work and taken me to dinner twice. He is aroused sexually more like when we were first married.

"Of all the things I cherish most is my husband telling me his doubts, fears, dreams, hopes, plans and how he remembers me when I was 15. This book has saved my husband's health also. He was able to cry and get worries off his chest by talking to me. He acts as if he had a weight lifted from him. He trusted me with himself. Isn't that beautiful!

"My husband is the foreman of his company and carries a lot of responsibility and there is a lot of tension and pressure in his work. I'm so happy to learn how to help him more. We have five children, a son-in-law, daughter-in-law and three elderly parents. I'm happy to be reminded to make my husband number one and still have a proper relationship with our families.

"I had begun to feel a void in my marriage and say, 'Well, maybe the feminists have the answer.' I know now that Fascinating Womanhood is what I needed to tie up the loose ends of my thinking. I was looking forward to my 25th anniversary with sadness. Now it will be happy and romantic."

Although Feminine Dependency means to depend upon a man for his masculine care and protection it is not a total dependency. In Fascinating Womanhood we depend upon men to make the living, do the masculine chores and protect women from hard work, danger and difficulty. But, we do not depend upon men to do the household chores or tend the children. These things belong to the woman's realm of responsibility.

For a woman to be an ideal wife she should be efficient in running the household, not lean on her husband unduly and carry the burden of homemaking and child care as much as she can, so her husband will be free to make an adequate living. In an ideal situation the husband will spend as much time as possible in teaching and training the children and developing a close relationship with them. But, since his work must come first to make a living, the burden of responsibility in the home rightly belongs to the wife.

The quality of Feminine Dependency is very attractive in a woman, since, like other qualities of the Angelic and the Human, it is so different from the masculine qualities. The lack of Feminine Dependency can be very repulsive, especially to men and can put a man in a humiliating situation. This reminds me of an incident which took place in an airport as I was waiting at a luggage carousel.

As I stood by the carousel a man pushed forward. A woman following him looked feminine in all her appearance, but she spoke out in a dominating voice and pointed, "That one over there, that one.?" The man apologized for leaning in front of me and was about to grab the piece when the woman said, "No, that isn't the one after all." As he stepped back waiting she said again, "I see it now, I see it!" He apologetically stepped in front of me again, waiting for the luggage to circulate in front of him. Just at that time she pushed forward a little to the left of us and grabbed the piece herself. I glanced up at him to catch a glimpse of humiliation on his face as he said, "Oh, she picked it up herself."

I don't think I will ever forget that scene. Here was a man trying to be helpful to a woman he thought needed him, by offering his masculine assistance. How useless he must have felt when she snatched the luggage herself. In spite of her feminine appearance, her attitude of self-sufficiency destroyed the impression of femininity.