The intense love Woodrow Wilson had for his wife Ellen during their 28 year marriage is an example I used in the first chapter of Fascinating Womanhood. The more I study about their love the more I see how it springs from their unselfish concern for each other. The following incident, after ten years of marriage, demonstrates this unselfish love:

Woodrow and Ellen had dreamed of building their "dream house," and were in the process of drawing up plans. Ellen was so excited about it that she made a little clay model of the house.

Then disappointment came. Woodrow found the interests rates to be higher than he anticipated (5+%) and had to abandon the idea of building the house. He was away at the time and wrote Ellen the sad news, with a terrible fear she may be sadly disappointed.

"I feel as if I were thrusting a knife into you . . . but of course you must know at once." He then explained the high interest rates and their situation. "Oh, I don't know how I am to stand this . . . it is only by force of will that I write this letter, off from all the plans which have brightened your dear face for so many months past . . . may not my love break the force of the blow a little, my poor darling?"

Ellen wrote back at once . . . "I could literally fly in my eagerness to be with you now - at this moment - to reassure you as to my feelings in this matter of the house and so comfort you; for how plainly it appears in every word of your . . . sweet letter that all your thoughts, all your distress is for me. I have been such a little goose over the house - so absorbed in plans about it - that no wonder you thought that disappointment in regard to it would cut me to the quick.

"Let me whisper a secret - I am rather relieved to have it over with! I believe it providential; for ever since it became apparent that it must cost $9,000 instead of $7,000, I have been tormented by misgivings. The misgivings . . . were wholly regarding the effect of the undertaking upon you. I could not but fear that the debt and responsibility would burden and harass your spirit, that your precious time might be frittered away in attempts to relieve the strain by extra earnings. I feel my spirits rising by leaps and bounds at the thought that now we are not to incur such risks and if I could only send this letter to you through a pneumatic tube, so as not to suffer from the thought that for twenty four hours more you will be agonizing over my disappointment, I should be perfectly happy. (Unfortunately no email was available)

"And now, my darling, you must believe that from the bottom of my heart I mean every word I say - that I am perfectly happy with you in any house - that no disappointment can ever hurt for more than a few moments as long as I have you. How do I know but that we were making a mistake. . . that might have gone far to prevent your achieving the work for which God meant you -and I should have been responsible! The very thought makes me tremble."

So relieved, so overjoyed and appreciative, Woodrow writes back this tender love letter: "Never, surely, did any man have such a wife, such a love as I have - so sweet, so spirited, so brave, so wise. I knew, darling . . . how like a perfect woman you would come out of this disappointment; what I feared was its first great pain, the woeful upsetting of all cherished plans. You are the wisest, most Christian little woman I ever knew . . Was ever such a letter written before, I wonder? There's enough love in it to keep a man's heart full for a lifetime. I've been on my knees since beginning this letter to relieve my heart of its great burden of thanksgiving. We are closer together than ever now, darling, incredible as that may seem."

In a following letter Woodrow, feeling guilty about abandoning the plans for the house, makes a promise: "This whole affair is a love affair with me, Ellen. I want the house as your house - your framework and possession, your setting, and I shall work for it unremittingly from this time out. I know what you will say; but I also know what my love for you demands.

Ellen then answers: "Won't you. . . so to speak, come out finally from under the shadow of this house? You will break my heart if you continue to grieve about it, and especially if you talk or think about 'working unremittingly.' If you were only here you could see then, in a moment . . . that I am not in the least a heroine, but am really and absolutely light hearted about it. It amuses me to plan a scheme but my heart is never so set on carrying out my plans as you suppose."

From: The Priceless Gift, a collection of letters of Ellen and Woodrow Wilson, edited by their daughter Elanor Wilson McAdoo, copyright 1962 by Elanor Wilson McAdoo. Used by permission of the publisher, Harold Ober and Associates.

Notice how these two lovers quarrel: Instead of demanding things of one another, for their own comfort, they quarrel over who is to make the greater sacrifice for the well being of the other. Let us hope a little of this unselfish love rubs off on us.

From Grateful Readers:

"I just read Fascinating Womanhood and am so excited about practicing the principles you have explained. For the first time in 20 years I am so excited about my marriage! F.W. has been the key to my understanding my husband and the mistakes I have made. Thank you for helping me." - California

"I am writing to express my support for what you said on your January website. If more people held home and family as sacred, I think America (and the world) would be in a MUCH better state today. I also agree with home schooling one's children. My mother taught all three of us children our "basics" which allowed us to get the education that public school was NOT providing. After three years of home study, my sister got a much better education than I ever did in public schools. When my little brother went onto home study in the third grade he could barely read his own name - - - really! Now he's an honor student in the local school, and has been since returning there two years ago in the seventh grade." - Sent by email.

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Saturday, March 27 1999

At: The Manila Hotel
In: Manila, The Philippines.
Teacher: Sally Domino Bongalonta

Interested parties may contact Sally:

Telephone: 527 00ll, local 1370
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